When Fear Meets the Pushmi-Pullyu

As wives and moms, you take on a wide variety of roles, including the Pushmi-Pullyu.

For reference, a Pushmi-Pullyu is the two-headed llama from the famous Dr. Doolittle series
of children’s books.

You are probably curious what you could possibly have in common with that creature.

When you encourage your loved ones, you do so from two different directions.

The first is illustrated when you help your children learn to walk. Do you remember holding your arms out to your little one, sharing words of encouragement?

Come on, honey, you can do it, just let go of Daddy’s hands! That’s right, just one foot in front of the other! Wow, you are making a lot of progress! Yay, you made it!

You are the Pullyu as you lead your children

and persuade them to move forward in spite of their fear.

The second comes to light when you teach those same kiddos how to ride a bicycle.

At some point, as you are pushing your child forward by holding onto the seat, you let go and let them ride solo.

You are the Pushmi as you pry your children loose

from fear’s grasp and propel them forward.

These are two powerful perspectives from which you can help overcome fear.

Why is this important?

If children are never made to grow, to be sharpened by challenges, to feel the sting of failure, to build reference points of success, then Johnny and Sally will be very dull people, indeed.

In addition, they will live more or less in fear of most any change and won’t ever feel the satisfaction and exhilaration of life lived to the full.

I am reminded of the Michael Jordan commercial, in which he said,

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

As parents, you do a tremendous disservice to your children when you don’t allow them to experience change and difficulty.

What if, instead of encouraging your child to walk, you never let him learn how out of fear he would fall?

While that sounds downright silly, it applies to other activities as your children begin to get older and more independent.

Note that I am not suggesting you let your thirteen year old drive cross-country alone because he thinks he’s capable.

Appropriate boundaries, folks.

Allow me to share a recent example.

Many of you know I am an enthusiastic member of Toastmasters.

A relatively new member forgot he had agreed to take on a big role for the first time—running the meeting as the Toastmaster—and was going to bow out.

My inner Pushmi encouraged him to honor his word. After all, he had survived—and had done a great job on—his very first speech.

Yes, I was definitely channeling the Pushmi, not the Pullyu.

This shy young man reluctantly agreed, in spite of his fear and dislike of unexpected change.

Following the meeting, however, he thanked me for advising him to stick to the plan, that it went just fine, and he was really glad he did it.

As you help your offspring grow into adulthood, you aren’t going to win popularity contests.

But then again, being their BFF is not your job.

It is a delicate balance you must maintain:

You are afraid for them, and worry what will happen if you push too hard.

Yet, if you don’t help them move forward, they will cease to flourish.

You will be fine and so will they.

Do be patient with yourself as you learn and grow into parenthood, because it’s a long and interesting journey.

Remember that when your  inner Pushmi-Pullyu speaks, it is another of the many messages of love for your kids.

You are building a habit of courage, a willingness to fall and fail, and remembering to get back up again, and eventually, take flight into adulthood.

PS-Although I concentrated on your parenting role, this is equally applicable to helping your spouse in areas where they are fearful, such moving into a new career.

Tweetable: A push is one of the greatest gifts you have to offer your children. Be not afraid! <–Click here to tweet!

Question: How do you help your loved ones move beyond their fears? I’d love to have you join the conversation!

If you check the box below your comment, you’ll get a short and sweet email letting you know if someone replied to you!

Bonus today: I’ve included a video for you, Even Eagles Need a Push, by David McNally. It starts a little slow, but stick with it, as I think you’ll enjoy the message.

Sharing at NOBH, Happy Wives Club, Moms the Word, Better Mom 

Photo credit: GollyGforce, via Flickr

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